This is an unusual post. I named the blog" Merry Patter" quite deliberately. It is a place to put happy thoughts and leave off descriptions of the outside pressures we all must deal with. I have a problem with depression in a mild way and I did not plan to write about that.
My posting has been sporadic for some months. I have been unable to cope in general very well. It took an enourmous effort to fulfill my contractual obligations regarding my work and just cooking supper seemed a daunting task. I have been exhausted, nauseous, befuddled and overwhelmed. I have been concerned about mental illness, brain tumours, Alzheimers disease. Testing didn't show any such thing. Anything at all in fact.
Part of this I blamed on my daily debilitating headaches. They have been very hard to cope with. I get migraines with barometric pressure changes, generally before it rains. Once the weather breaks, the headache does as well. With all the rain we had this summer, I thought that was the cause, but the headaches never broke.
Funny thing is that I didn't have them over Christmas while at my brother's house, but they started again when I returned home. I guess I should get away more.
My husband noticed a bad smell on our veranda on Thursday. I called the gas company who sent someone out immediately. Sure enough, there was a gas leak right outside a window about four feet from my computer caused by a faulty washer. He told me it had been going on since before summer (someone thought they could smell something last summer, but I couldn't smell it and didn't call the gas company). Once he fixed it he discovered another leak.
The window is generally open at least a crack even in bad weather to disperse the fumes from my adhesives. Natural gas is an asphyxiant. I have been depriving my brain of oxygen for months now. It has made it difficult to get my work done and then I would need to stay here longer to work on it, thus perpetuating the problem.
I haven't had a headache in days. It is a good feeling. I hope this means I can become productive again.
Thanks for all the comments. Ruthie- those were some good thoughts you put down about next time I can't focus, although I hope that being unfocussed in general will become a thing of the past from now on!
We are not ashamed of our helplessness
15 hours ago